Because I Still Struggle With Infertility

Photography: Rachael Pearce Photography

As featured for National Infertility Awareness Week #NIAW by Miss Conception Coach

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This may seem crazy to some people but just a few weeks after I had my son Ryker my mind began thinking about baby #2. Crazy, I know. Even I wanted to grab my shoulders and shake the nonsense out of my head.

When I told my husband he didn’t say a word. Not one. No acknowledgment because he knew what was going through my heart and didn’t want to hurt my feelings by saying ‘No way babe!  We are barely getting the hang of this whole parenting gig!’.

It is SO early. Baby boy just turned 4 months and here I am wanting another.

I want to devote all my love and attention to the baby that I have and prayed so much for.  Will people think that I am selfish for wanting another baby so soon?

It took us almost 2 years to get pregnant because of my endo journey.  In my mind I am calculating that we will have to get started now if we are going to have our big family with all our kids close together. {Insert snarky old lady comment:  “You know you aren’t getting any younger…”}

The thing is – You’ve had a baby. You DID it! You overcame infertility!

Not quite. To some extent it’s true. I think Ryker is a perfect example of how we beat the odds one time. But having a baby doesn’t make infertility go away. Do you ever overcome infertility?

I use to joke that I had a hostile uterus (hey just like Meredith Grey!) but I am hoping things may be easier since my body knows what to do and each pregnancy is different just like each kiddo.

People are going to #startasking the question that is guaranteed to come up

“When are you going to have another one?”

And that’s okay, let them ask. It may scare the poo out of you (can you tell I have a newborn) or maybe you have learned to let it roll off your back. Either way here are some reminders to take away…

1. WHEN NOTHING GOES RIGHT, GO LEFT.

I am type A. I love a good TO DO list, alphabetized and color coded.  I am a planner, always have been always will be but sometimes there is a far better plan in store. I wanted a baby so bad but it just wasn’t happening. So, I went back to school and got a second degree, I helped choreograph a large production for our church and participated in a service trip abroad that humbled my heart. I was given opportunities that I needed in order to be a better me. Did I experience loss? Too much. Did I cry almost every night? You betcha. But I truly believe that if you focus your energy on learning a new skill, becoming a better wife and mom, cheering on your friends that do get pregnant with baby 2, 3, and 4, and crying with your friends that open up to you about challenges they face, it will allow you to be refined for a better purpose. GO LEFT and you may be surprised what’s in store for you.

2. THOSE WHO JUDGE DON’T MATTER, THOSE WHO MATTER DON’T JUDGE

This one is simple for me to understand but man do I have a hard time applying it. I am constantly worrying about what people think. Then one day Cameron asked if I would ever see those people again. How often do I even talk to them? Do they really know anything about my personality or life? The people that are closest to you and love you the most are those that are there to support you. They won’t judge how many children you have or how far apart they are. They will welcome each child with open arms and a full heart.

3. ANYTHING WORTH HAVING IS WORTH WAITING FOR

In a world of instant oatmeal, direct deposits and Amazon Prime it can be challenging to want something immediately and not be able to have it. I know each child is a blessing and worth the wait. Refer back to point 1, get out and try something new to be a better you. In my experience, the unplanned adventures usually turn out to make the best memories.

4. MOTHERS ARE NOT DEFINED BY THE NUMBER OF CHILDREN THEY HAVE

When are you going to start trying?
We try every night 🙂

Just the one?
Yup one little miracle.

Wait till you have three…
We are grateful for our two.

Now you need to try for a girl!
Our boy is just perfect for us.

Hold on, you have how many kids?!
We couldn’t be happier.

The thing I have realized is people will always have something to say about the number of children they see that you have.

“A Mother is not defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love she holds in her heart.” – Franchesca Cox

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I hope that when people #startasking you start telling. Infertility is not something to be ashamed of, not something to feel guilty about and definitely not something to apologize for. It sucks, a lot, but you are not alone. Speak up and make your voice heard. Let’s unite women in each and EVERY stage of motherhood!

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