1 year ago today our lives changed forever. I remember it so well because I had just written a blog post that I was still deciding if I was brave enough to post all about my infertility battle and the miscarriages we had suffered. I was neck deep in nursing school and doing incredibly well but there was one test each month that I continued to fail.
I told Cameron I would only take one test and not put myself through the battle of pretending it was just too early. The happiness and fear enveloped me quickly. I called my doctor, was sent for 8 vials of blood, picked up two prescriptions and planned some creative pinterest worthy way to yet again tell Cam he would be a Dad.
I almost didn’t. I thought about not telling him and getting his hopes up in a half-hearted attempt to protect him but I caved and crafted together some cute poem.
I worked so hard to not let fear take over. I wanted to put all my faith and love and trust in God but I had been here before and it was getting too familiar. For some reason the answer to my prayers was my infertility post. The response that I got was God’s way of giving me thousands, yes thousands of people’s love and support. I couldn’t count or keep up with the texts, calls, messages, drop ins, and outpouring of love that people provided. It had only been 2 days since we found out but I knew that this time I would be meeting my sweet baby and everything would be just fine.
Motherhood has changed me in so many ways. It challenges the way I look at myself and helps me see others with a more Christ-like love. I have a changed body, not just its appearance or my still quite dark linea nigra, but I know that I have a body that can push past physical limitations that I never believed it could. I think as moms we should take time everyday to love our bodies. It may not be the size someone as deemed appropriate and it may look different than imagined but it has worked, changed, and done more in 9 months (let’s be real 10) than we have ever thought possible. For me, my body serves as a reminder of the sacrifice that I went through for my baby boy to live and the love that I have for him. On this beautiful Easter Sunday, I took time during church today to think of my Redeemer and the greatest sacrifice of love there has ever been. His love and His sacrifice that each and every one of us would live forever. I know He lives because I am reminded daily by the beauty and love that He has brought into my life. Happy Easter!